Happy Valentine’s Day… just don’t blow it.

Dear Nephews,
It’s Valentine’s Day! The only day of the year (outside of Christmas) where everyone is trying to show their affection by buying love with chocolate and high-priced flowers and dinners. Okay, some of us.

Now to be a spoiled sport about the whole holiday (which I do enjoy for the most part) but like with most things, some people just do too damn much.

For those of you in a “just causally dating someone”, in a serious ‘relationship’, partnered up or married, this day can set the tone for the rest of this year, along with Christmas and your partner’s birthday so you really can’t afford to fuck this up.

However, someone will neglect to do or ‘say’ the right thing and things will get all stupid for a while. I can’t help you with saying or doing stupid things (for the most part) but I can give you some guidance for an overall picture of what you should have been doing before you get to this point.

For those who are in ‘dating’ mode

1. If you are ‘dating’ more than 1 person, (and of course they don’t know it) until you are ballin like that, you are not doing yourself any favors by treating them all the same. If they were all the same, you would just be dating ONE of them, SERIOUSLY. Each of them is giving you something specific, so you might do well to hone in on that. Have a monetary amount you will spend on each one and don’t go over it. If you have one you like more than the rest, she’ll get a higher amount, but not your damn paycheck. Don’t be stupid. I’m not going to let you borrow rent money or car note money because you trying to impress someone you ‘like’.

2. If you are ‘dating’ more than 1 person, you want to schedule out Valentine’s Day. If the day falls on a weekend, (like today) don’t give up your WHOLE weekend for some ‘romantic trip’ to impress the one you like the MOST. (Again, you have a budget) and don’t let her offer to take you away either. You will only cause problems in the long run when she figures out or realizes that she/he was 1 of 5 ‘friends’ you have. Give every person you are dating ‘except’ #1 a time limit of no more than 1 to 1 ½ hours of your time on Valentine’s Day. Give the one you like the most 2 -3 hours. Don’t create standards you won’t be able to keep up. There’s no reason for anyone to be up in anyone’s face all damn day, in love or not. Love doesn’t pay the bills. If you are seeing anyone who wants to know your whereabouts of every second of every day, DUMP THEM. They have issues and I don’t remember anyone one of you signing up for the fire department or rescue a chick service.

3. If you are dating someone exclusively, then an overnight trip is fine BUT remember it’s not about how much money you spend but the quality of time you spend with them. Don’t plan a trip to Paris when you can’t pay your bills. Don’t play a cruise when you’re looking at your car being repossessed. There are TONS of things you can do that are meaningful and special without spending up the national debt. If the person you are with complains about how much you are NOT spending, you might want to reconsider the character of the person you are dating.

Understand that you are under NO obligation to spend ONE red penny on Valentine’s Day for ANYONE. If you chose to celebrate, that’s wonderful. If not, don’t. It’s absolutely totally your choice, but whatever you do, DO NOT be so tacky as to send a text of flowers and candy to a woman. Whether you are “Just” friends or not. It’s RUDE as hell. What the hell is she going to do with that? Don’t even pretend with the

“It’s the thought that counts” Auntie???!!!

Well, here’s that thought” translated:

“I don’t think you are worth having red roses or candy sent to your house or job because YOU are not important enough for me to spend the $35 for a bunch of red roses and a $12.00 box of chocolates. But I will send you a TEXT PICTURE of these things in the hopes that you don’t think I’m that cheap and that I at least thought about you while I bought someone ELSE flowers, candy, a card and took HER out to dinner. But hey, when YOU get drunk, horny or lonely, I’m hoping I’m the first person you text.”

2 that right there is unfucking acceptable

So again, try NOT to be a douche this day. I will have to talk about you later. At the next family gathering, in front of everyone AND the girl you DIDN’T send the text picture of flowers to. Let’s see how that works out for you. Cause you know I will.

Advertisements

You attract what you expect

attract what u expect

want to stop dating people who cheat and lie to you.
look at where you are finding them at? at the first sign of lying, check them ONCE. catch them in a lie again. the problem is YOU not them. Stop overlooking the obvious. stop giving the person the ‘benefit’ of the doubt. stop making excuses for them. if they can’t tell you the serious things within the first 2 weeks, they won’t tell you until its ‘necessary’ and then its not out of ‘necessity’ as much as its out of being busted.

stop dating certain people because you think that’s all you can get.
that is like only eating chicken because the particular store you shop in doesn’t sell beef. what sense does that make? stop dating strippers because you think ‘decent’ women wouldn’t want you? Let’s be clear, housewives aren’t stripping. Women who go to church, are active in the community, are NOT stripping. The only thing you will find in a strip club is women who want you to make it ‘rain’ on them and some to pay the bills for the school they are not attending and the new apartment/house/car they want to buy. You would get a better return on your money if you threw it on the sidewalk or in the Salvation Army Kettle at Christmas time.

stop believing you are not enough. people who do not have your best interest at heart will play you for a fool. daily. every time.

be the good, honest, caring, compassionate person that you are. be the shining star in your own life. don’t worry about not having someone special to share it will right now. they are coming, you have to clear out the BS in your life to make room for them and all the other wonderful things that life has to offer you. until you do that, you will keep drama, chaos, confusion and heartache a daily occurance

Yes, you are that vain…

no my post wasn't about you

Sometimes it really is about you. Its about something you have done, will do or are about to do. Don’t do it. No, its not a good idea. No, they aren’t interested in you the way you are interested in them. No, they are not worth the headache you are getting ready to cause yourself. Yes, they are not available, mentally, emotionally, sexually, physically and theoretically available to you in ANY WAY, SHAPE OR FORM. Concentrate on discovering a new hobby, find a new church, join meetup and find something CONSTRUCTIVE to do. He/she is NOT leaving their spouse/baby daddy/momma,boy/girl friend, significant other or the person they are ‘affiliated with’, yes, you are wasting your time, heart, emotions, sanity, feelings and hard earned money. None of which you will EVER get back in return. So, yes, this is really about you. So, what are you gonna do about it?

So, you put a ring on it and she’s not fucking you like a porn star anymore…

Over the years, in my conversation with married and divorced men, a variation of the same conversation has worked it way out. Before the ring, wifey made Vanessa Del Rio look like an terrified 18 yr old virgin on her wedding night. Janet’s “Anytime, Any place” wasn’t just a theme, it was a daily occurrence. I’m talking sex in public was a no-brainer. Sex at family reunion picnic? Do you have to ask? at 5am? Really honey, did you have to ask? walk in the door and i’m bent over the couch type of situations.Once talk of ‘marriage’ comes up, either the sex goes into over drive or it turns to ‘let’s wait until our wedding night’. The man goes along with it,(of course) because he thinks the sky’s the limit ON that first night as man and wife. Then a strange thing happens. That night, your wedding night:she’s ‘too tired’ from the days activities.

She’s not interested in doing ‘that’ tonight.

Now that she’s your ‘wife’, she doesn’t have to put her mouth on ‘that thing’ anymore.

Yes, she said the only dick she would suck would be her ‘husband’s’ but now that you guys are married, she still ‘wont’ suck it because… well, she doesn’t want to and you can’t make her.

BTW, she really doesn’t like you going down on her. She’s just not that into it.

Come to think of it, she wasn’t that good in bed to begin with, you think to yourself. She’s a “good woman” whatever that means, looks good on your arm, you would make cute babies with her, has drive and ambition, but sexually, she’s not hitting YOUR spot. You guys are out of sync sexually but you attribute it to her school schedule, her views on sex, anything, everything.

But what about her porn star behavior before you got married? Well, I don’t know what your talking about, she says.

HUH???!!!

Did you forget you used to pick me up from work with no bra and panties on? You don’t remember us going to the movies, sitting in the back row and you sitting on my lap f–king me for the entire movie?

That was then, we married now.

In the islands, on your honeymoon, Your Wifey is ‘tired’ and just wants to lay on the beach, in the cabana, in the room. Snorkeling with her husband, She passes. Wave riding. My hair will get wet. Sex? My hair will sweat out. Dinner. She’s dressed like a fashion model. walking around talking, socializing. Curling and fawning you in public. You think, wow, okay, she’s ready to give me some. When you get back to the hotel, she goes in the bathroom for hours, comes out in granny panties and an old woman gown and gets in bed with curlers in her hair.

HUH???

Oh, I’m really not in the mood.

There you are, naked with a dick harder than Rush Limbaugh’s convictions, and your only choice is playtime in the shower. alone.

I’ve heard this record, fast, slow, up tempo, soft tempo, hard rock version, soft rock version, heavy metal version, operatic version, R & B version, Hip-Hop version. It wouldn’t be true if i didn’t hear it from all types of men, black, white, rich, poor, old, young, married once, married more than once. Some had kids before marriage, some had no kids, (but she did or he did, not by the other person)

When i first realized this was the same story, except a different guy’s version of it, i thought to myself, did they all get the same email? Is every man this damn stupid?

I sit back and nod, ask for clarification here and there and just listen. and try not to say, “really, you didn’t see THAT coming”. But for me, what is a testament to his feelings for her is how long he stayed. Several men were on their way out the married until she pulled the infamous “can we talk” conversation with nothing but a short robe on and nothing underneath. 9 months later….

what man with any morals would leave his child then? who wants to be called ‘triflin’? who wants HIS mother to tell him to ‘work it out for the sake of your child”. Marriage is hard, son, he hears his father say between drinks at the family home. which is exactly why the lawyer’s phone calls don’t get returned.

Before the time the child’s in kindergarten,they have been sleeping in separate areas of the house, her kid(s)from prior relationship are calling YOU DAD/DADDY/POP and you emotionally think sleeping in the basement is the best solution.

Here is what i want to say to Men in these types of situations:

1. Get your gonads out of her purse and place them where she snatched them from

2. Realize that she had an agenda, it was a ring. A wedding ring. She wanted one and played you to get her ‘legitimacy’ in her societal circle.

3. YOU thought with the wrong head and it cost you YEARS of your life to extract yourself from a very, very screwed up situation.

4. Someone who claims to love you won’t trick you, play you, get pregnant ‘accidentally on purpose’.

5. Someone who loves you won’t give you a marry me or else ultimatum

6. Someone who loves you won’t enlist your family, your friends, her family, her friends to ‘drop hints’ that she’s the best thing to every happen to you and if you don’t marry her, you are a fool.

7. Dumbass, no real woman will use her kids by you or anyone else to beg you to ‘marry my mommie’

8. No real woman will tell you that ‘after’ you guys get married, she’ll enroll in school, go back to school, get on birth control, lose weight, look for a better job, get a job or any other similar asinine promise. if she won’t do it FOR HERSELF, BEFORE YOU GET MARRIED, the odds of her doing it AFTER you are married are slim to none and slim left the building.

9. True story: if you tell your bride to be that your wedding present will be to bring her into the marriage with ZERO debt (because you have ZERO DEBT). You ask her for all her bills AND PAY THEM OFF before the wedding and 3 months later, a creditor called about collecting for a lawsuit (car accident) she had BEFORE you got married for $12,000, that her and her family “forgot” to tell you about and you DO NOT GET AN ANNULMENT, you are a freaking moron.

10. If she goes from Porn Star Patty to Nancy Nun within 3 months of your wedding or begins to ration out sex like the government furlough, you might want to consider you married the wrong woman.

Maybe these guys were lying to me. Maybe they were exaggerating (alot) but to hear a variation of the same story is just nerve wracking.

My friends laugh because they say i ask to many questions. Hell, i wanna know. did you beat/hit your last 5 girlfriends? why did you get married? why did you get divorced? do you sleep with men? (you will be surprised how many men will admit to that when they feel comfortable with you)

By the age of 25, most people have had their hearts broken (badly) but for me, its what you do afterwards, to work through the heartache and pain and learn from it is what matters.

I’ve been played in relationship (more often that i care to admit) but:

1. I’ve never been married

2. there are no kids involved on MY end

while i joke about my commitment-phobia issues (i’m working on them!!!)

Marrying someone is one of the few things I take totally serious. I have had about 22 marriage proposal. I only said yes formally once, the other time was an ‘off-handed’ proposal just to see if what i would say in advance. To marry someone is to commit your everything to that person, in front of everyone, forever. Forever is a LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG, LONG TIME. and i can’t have sex with someone else either? damn.

There have been instances where my brothers and other close male friends were ‘played’ by the women they were dating (including what i called being ‘tricked’ into marriage). There were many a conversation which i started off with,

N—, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!

yea, i went there. When the side chick has more sense than the one you want to ‘wife’ up, you are a freaking idiot. I’ve seen more side chicks having a guy’s back that the main chick. I’ve told several side chicks, “you know you really, REALLY can do better than him right?” and she did. I don’t know how many times, I’ve had to tell someone that the side chick REALLY wants you to stop calling her. But of course, the side chick is the side chick because she’s not the cute, she’s a bit overweight, doesn’t live in the right place, doesn’t have the right job or family, didn’t/doesn’t go to the right school, etc. But she gives a damn good head game, likes anal and knows when to keep her mouth shut and tolerates your dumb ass.

Yea, you can pick real winners, can’t you?

Guess what? That side chick that you really didn’t ‘like like that’ has been honest with you from day one. (we are talking about side-chick with sense, not the side chick who has main chick inspirations from day one but of course, you didn’t realize until AFTER SHE GOT PREGNANT-again, DUMB ASS)

What should be your takeaway from this:

1. Be VERY CLEAR about your expectations in writing (like prenup writing) if she balks, walk.

2. Have an attorney on retainer before you marry, cause if she decides to not put out on the honeymoon, she is going to ration sex for the rest of your marriage. get an annulment now, give back the gifts, and split the checks.

3. if kids are involved, talk to the attorney you retained on custody and child support issues. You can be a good father from Tibet, don’t let distance fool you.

4. Get clear with who/what is ‘wifey’ material. All that glitters isn’t gold.

The devil is a liar

A girlfriend text me today. One of her former ‘acquaintance’ has decided to contact her after months of no-contact.

 

A male friend had his ex-fiance send him a letter (old fashioned right) stating that they were ‘meant to be together . It would probably be okay if he wasn’t in a new relationship and considering proposing to the new girl.

 

Why anyone would think that after treating someone poorly, sticking a serrated edged knife in their gut (covered in fire ants) would want to ‘return’ for more of the same is beyond me. But it happens. daily. i have had it happen to me more times than i care to admit myself.

 

but why?

 

if someone is so absolutely stupid, selfish, narcissistic, A push-over, lame, weak, petty, mean, selfish, rude, nasty, unambitious, lazy and triflin, why would YOU WANT to be with that person?

oh right. that makes them the PERFECT person for you?

i could never understand people who complained constantly about their partners/spouses. he can’t do this, she can’t do that. blah, blah, blah. But 5 seconds after the walk out the door, they are crying, begging, pleading for them to return.

 

WTF. Seriously?

 

who is the liar?

 

But if you think about it, we lie to ourselves all the time. We lie about our likes and dislikes to impress someone we are interested in, hoping by the time they find out, they are in ‘too deep’ and can’t/won’t risk leaving because it will be too painful for them. We lie about our goals, dreams and desires. because it ‘sounds’ good to ourselves and others.

 

My friends have told their ‘exs’ to keep it moving. Are they really interested in move on? no. They believe that whatever prior events that happened to make my friends leave them alone were ‘anomalies’ that can be fixed. with love. with faith, with taking them back. What they don’t understand it that my friends don’t want them back. as one of my friends said:

“to quote one of my favorite singers: You showed your ass and I saw the real you…”

 

the devil, in all its forms, really is a liar…

Dear Nephews,
I have decided  i would give you guys some advice on women. Since you guys range in age from 34 to 2, i decided to make sure i cover all my bases. While i’m sure you are all thinking, has she been drinking again…, i have not, (well, not until after i finish writing this) but i do want you guys to know that I only want the best for you guys. i want you guys to be in happy, positive, fulfilling relationship (with women, but if you don’t like women, the same advise will probably apply to men also). With so much crap going on between men and women these days, i want you guys to be able to determine who is worth and who is worthless.
1.You are not CAPTAIN SAVE A HOE
Guess what, you aren’t Superman, Batman or The Green Hornet either. Don’t RESCUE any woman until she’s in imminent danger. This does NOT include her getting evicted from her home (she needs to get her finances straight-without your money), her babydaddy/ex/ex-husband is beating her ass, she lost her job and has to move in with her mother/family members, her car broke down, her baby need pampers and milk or any other EXCUSE you brings to you. Say, oh wow, sorry to hear that. I can’t help you but I will pray for you.
Leave her ass where you found her.
2. She has more than 2 kids by 2 different men before she is 21.
She can’t listen or learn. This chick doesn’t think fat meat is greasy. Unless she is a victim of rape or incest, she  WILLINGLY had sex with guy(s) who were using her as a bouncing ball. Yes, i know, I’m being mean, but guess what…
Children are a blessing, so is common sense
and she’s not using hers.
There is NO REASON in this day and age ANYONE should get pregnant by ‘accident’. She is not Jamie Lyn Spears. She is probably NOT independently wealthy, and is living with family and/or her income is being supplemented by the Federal and State Governments. If, (and that’s a big IF) she’s getting child support, its probably not enough and that whole situation is something you should avoid like the plague.
again, refer to Statement #1

Leave her ass where you found her

3. You cannot turn a HOE into a HOUSEWIFE
I’m sure there are some very nice strippers in that club. Yea, okay. There are also very nice women who work at Macy’s, Go to Virginia Tech and work for the post office. Guess what, they aren’t shaking their asses in front of some guys face on the chance that he’s going to give them $$ to look up her vagina. Yes, the recession hit everyone hard, but guess what. Not that damn hard. If she thinks that’s the only way she can make money ‘legitimately’, keep moving.
Leave her ass where you found her
4. If she thinks all men are untrustworthy, cheaters and liars, she’s damaged goods.
If you meet a woman and she tells you that her ex and ALL her other ex’s mistreated and abused her, then tell her to get some therapy and take your ass home. She needs to be alone and figure out why SHE keeps attracting losers. If you just HAVE to date this mental case, I can tell you now what’s going to happen. She’s going to call you all the time, accuse you of being ‘just like all the other guys’, start timing you on how long it will take you to go from her house to yours, will lose her mind if you don’t give her all your passwords to Facebook  Twitter, Myspace  your work and personal emails and pass codes to your voice mail.
(if you give this nut ANY of your passwords, i will personally kick your ass)
She had self-esteem, jealousy and many other issues that you are not professionally trained to deal with. I don’t care if she says because you guys are ‘dating’ or ‘together’ she should have the pass codes. And if she tries that, “everyone does it’ speech, tell her to call me. I can assure you, you won’t be in a ‘relationship’ with her after i’m finished…
Leave her ass where you found her
5. She had kids (more than 1) and expects if you date her, you have to do for her kids too.
again, refer to Rule #1 and #2. 
If you date a woman with children, you are NOT obligated to do anything for her children. They have a father(s), its not you. I don’t care if their father is in jail, dead or a deadbeat, those children are NOT your responsibility. PERIOD. Do not pay for babysitters if you go out on dates (her kids-her responsibility) if she can’t afford a babysitter, then she’ can’t come out and play. When you decide to have children, guess what you are now a ‘grown-up’, whether you are 16 or 36. Any women who tells you that she doesn’t have a babysitter and has to bring the kids on the date isn’t someone you need to be dating. If she tells you that YOU have to pay for a babysitter if you want to date her, guess what, there are PLENTY of childless women out there, you wont be alone for long. If she expects you to buy her children birthday, school supplies, school trips and Christmas presents, etc …

Leave h

er ass where you found her.
6. She is drama filled from the day you meet her.
There’s drama and then there’s “the police have been called drama” If she’s ever been arrested for domestic violence, can’t go into certain areas because she has ‘beef’ with some chicks there, had to move from one area of the country to another because of ‘problems’, etc. Leave her ass alone. If your car is keyed up when you are at her place, if some guy calls your phone telling you to leave his ‘woman’ alone, if she tells you she’s ‘separated’ but never filed any papers and still lives with her husband or with her mother, she is going to get your ass killed, attacked or arrested. If you were dating a friend of her’s and now dating her, (you are triflin-but that’s another posting) I’m telling you right now, i don’t have bail money for all of you guys, someone is going to be left out…

Leave her ass where you found her

7. She tells you she’s about her plans for the future but you don’t see any results
She is either telling you what she thinks you want to hear to keep you interested, she’s lazy as hell or she’s having mental heath issues. None of which are in your best interest. If any women tells you if you do something then she’s do something to better herself, she’s got fuckin issues. Don’t get duped by some woman who says she’s get her driver’s license if you guys move in together. If she won’t get it for herself, she damn sure won’t get it for you. You should want to be with someone who has her own goals, dreams and aspirations, if she isn’t striving to better herself, with or without you, why are you with her…?
Again, Leave her ass where you found her. 

I don’t want you guys to think that I am being harsh and judgmental on women (yea, i am) but i want YOU to be with women who are bring something to the table more than her ass and a couple of kids. You can destroy your credit, mental heath and your car on your own. You do not need a woman to do that for you.

I love you all

Aunt Jinks