Dear Nephews,
I have decided  i would give you guys some advice on women. Since you guys range in age from 34 to 2, i decided to make sure i cover all my bases. While i’m sure you are all thinking, has she been drinking again…, i have not, (well, not until after i finish writing this) but i do want you guys to know that I only want the best for you guys. i want you guys to be in happy, positive, fulfilling relationship (with women, but if you don’t like women, the same advise will probably apply to men also). With so much crap going on between men and women these days, i want you guys to be able to determine who is worth and who is worthless.
1.You are not CAPTAIN SAVE A HOE
Guess what, you aren’t Superman, Batman or The Green Hornet either. Don’t RESCUE any woman until she’s in imminent danger. This does NOT include her getting evicted from her home (she needs to get her finances straight-without your money), her babydaddy/ex/ex-husband is beating her ass, she lost her job and has to move in with her mother/family members, her car broke down, her baby need pampers and milk or any other EXCUSE you brings to you. Say, oh wow, sorry to hear that. I can’t help you but I will pray for you.
Leave her ass where you found her.
2. She has more than 2 kids by 2 different men before she is 21.
She can’t listen or learn. This chick doesn’t think fat meat is greasy. Unless she is a victim of rape or incest, she  WILLINGLY had sex with guy(s) who were using her as a bouncing ball. Yes, i know, I’m being mean, but guess what…
Children are a blessing, so is common sense
and she’s not using hers.
There is NO REASON in this day and age ANYONE should get pregnant by ‘accident’. She is not Jamie Lyn Spears. She is probably NOT independently wealthy, and is living with family and/or her income is being supplemented by the Federal and State Governments. If, (and that’s a big IF) she’s getting child support, its probably not enough and that whole situation is something you should avoid like the plague.
again, refer to Statement #1

Leave her ass where you found her

3. You cannot turn a HOE into a HOUSEWIFE
I’m sure there are some very nice strippers in that club. Yea, okay. There are also very nice women who work at Macy’s, Go to Virginia Tech and work for the post office. Guess what, they aren’t shaking their asses in front of some guys face on the chance that he’s going to give them $$ to look up her vagina. Yes, the recession hit everyone hard, but guess what. Not that damn hard. If she thinks that’s the only way she can make money ‘legitimately’, keep moving.
Leave her ass where you found her
4. If she thinks all men are untrustworthy, cheaters and liars, she’s damaged goods.
If you meet a woman and she tells you that her ex and ALL her other ex’s mistreated and abused her, then tell her to get some therapy and take your ass home. She needs to be alone and figure out why SHE keeps attracting losers. If you just HAVE to date this mental case, I can tell you now what’s going to happen. She’s going to call you all the time, accuse you of being ‘just like all the other guys’, start timing you on how long it will take you to go from her house to yours, will lose her mind if you don’t give her all your passwords to Facebook  Twitter, Myspace  your work and personal emails and pass codes to your voice mail.
(if you give this nut ANY of your passwords, i will personally kick your ass)
She had self-esteem, jealousy and many other issues that you are not professionally trained to deal with. I don’t care if she says because you guys are ‘dating’ or ‘together’ she should have the pass codes. And if she tries that, “everyone does it’ speech, tell her to call me. I can assure you, you won’t be in a ‘relationship’ with her after i’m finished…
Leave her ass where you found her
5. She had kids (more than 1) and expects if you date her, you have to do for her kids too.
again, refer to Rule #1 and #2. 
If you date a woman with children, you are NOT obligated to do anything for her children. They have a father(s), its not you. I don’t care if their father is in jail, dead or a deadbeat, those children are NOT your responsibility. PERIOD. Do not pay for babysitters if you go out on dates (her kids-her responsibility) if she can’t afford a babysitter, then she’ can’t come out and play. When you decide to have children, guess what you are now a ‘grown-up’, whether you are 16 or 36. Any women who tells you that she doesn’t have a babysitter and has to bring the kids on the date isn’t someone you need to be dating. If she tells you that YOU have to pay for a babysitter if you want to date her, guess what, there are PLENTY of childless women out there, you wont be alone for long. If she expects you to buy her children birthday, school supplies, school trips and Christmas presents, etc …

Leave h

er ass where you found her.
6. She is drama filled from the day you meet her.
There’s drama and then there’s “the police have been called drama” If she’s ever been arrested for domestic violence, can’t go into certain areas because she has ‘beef’ with some chicks there, had to move from one area of the country to another because of ‘problems’, etc. Leave her ass alone. If your car is keyed up when you are at her place, if some guy calls your phone telling you to leave his ‘woman’ alone, if she tells you she’s ‘separated’ but never filed any papers and still lives with her husband or with her mother, she is going to get your ass killed, attacked or arrested. If you were dating a friend of her’s and now dating her, (you are triflin-but that’s another posting) I’m telling you right now, i don’t have bail money for all of you guys, someone is going to be left out…

Leave her ass where you found her

7. She tells you she’s about her plans for the future but you don’t see any results
She is either telling you what she thinks you want to hear to keep you interested, she’s lazy as hell or she’s having mental heath issues. None of which are in your best interest. If any women tells you if you do something then she’s do something to better herself, she’s got fuckin issues. Don’t get duped by some woman who says she’s get her driver’s license if you guys move in together. If she won’t get it for herself, she damn sure won’t get it for you. You should want to be with someone who has her own goals, dreams and aspirations, if she isn’t striving to better herself, with or without you, why are you with her…?
Again, Leave her ass where you found her. 

I don’t want you guys to think that I am being harsh and judgmental on women (yea, i am) but i want YOU to be with women who are bring something to the table more than her ass and a couple of kids. You can destroy your credit, mental heath and your car on your own. You do not need a woman to do that for you.

I love you all

Aunt Jinks

 

missing in action

I’ve been missing for a while, i know, i know, sorry about that. But i have a really good excuse this time. I almost died. Yep, I got really sick and almost died. At least that’s what my doctor hinted at when lying in the CCU/ICU and she looks at me and goes, “you are the talk of the ER”. Um. this is a bit confusing because I haven’t been in the ER since early Saturday morning ( like 6am after arriving at 6pm or so Friday evening) I guess she could tell that I had this “huh” look on my face because she ever so nonchalantly says “they are suprised you are still here.” WTF, seriously? Damn, they thought i would die? what does it say about their damn confidence in their abilities? Bastards. I spent 5 1/2 days in CCU/ICU. I will say that the nurses were the absolute best. Even know, thinking about them makes me smile. When my blood pressure stayed in the 70-80 range (the top number) they never let on how sick i was. When i would ask if the number was okay, they would look me in the eye and say “oh, it could be better, but how are you feeling” or “its stable, but we’d like it to be a bit higher”. Never once did they let on that they thought i wasn’t going to make it, especially when my heart rate was over 110 beats per minute and I had blood clots filling up my lungs and heart. They would talk to me about general stuff and screen my calls from my friends (who i later learned were blowing up the phone) The nurses told callers that I was sleep (when i finally fell asleep) or that I was resting or that calls were restricted to family. I didn’t really mind. I was quite frankly, scared as hell. When they pumped me full of Halperin (a blood thinner) and TPA (a serious blood thinning drug) i gained 20 lbs in 5 days. I spent about a week peeing it off. No, that’s not a good way to lose weight. My arms were swollen and badly bruised. (i had fallen 24 hrs before i went to the ER) Apparently, bruising and then taking blood thinners isn’t a good idea. My arms looked as if someone beat me with a baseball bat. Now weeks later, my arms are ‘almost’ normal. There are still patches of red on my forearms (my body has to ‘reabsorb’ the blood and its going to take some time. I still have green and black bruising, which of course, also will take time. I am however taking some very, very, very expensive medicine via self-injections to my stomach every 12 hours (yes that is just as painful as it sounds) until such time and my blood is ‘thin’ enough, then i switch to pills. and No, my blood isn’t quite there yet. Which means another week or so of injections. I shouldn’t complain right? I mean, really, I’m alive.

I’m alive

I remember telling one of the nurses in the ER that I didn’t want to die. She told me that they were going to take care of me. This is after I ‘threw’ a blood clot in my lungs when lying on a gurney in the hallway after hours before being told that I probably had “congestive heart failure’. Um, wrong diagnosis doc. Then there was me puking all over the nurses and doctors when they were trying to keep me alive. And my personal favorite: the nuclear medicine tech telling the nurse that the last person he performed this test on died. I’m guessing he thought I wasn’t conscious. when he walked out, i asked the nurse, “did he just say the last person died he gave this test too?” The nurse replied, “He shouldn’t have said that in front of you” Oh, so it was okay to say it to YOU?

I’m alive

I told myself on Saturday that I would stay alive until Monday, after that, I couldn’t guarantee, but i would fight tooth and nail to stay alive long enough for my brother to arrive from Washington State where he was training for the Army. I haven’t seen him in over 4 years now. He was stationed overseas and returned last summer to the states with a pregnant wife. I haven’t seen the baby either (a combination of scheduling and money). We text a lot and I’ve seen pictures and video of my most recent nephew (who is absolutely adorable). By Monday, I’d turn the corner, so to speak. My mother decided not to have my brother come to the hospital as I was ‘out of the woods’ (so I’ve been told) and the medicine’s seem to be working. The clots were dissolving and the one(s) in my heart were gone.

I’m alive

One of my girlfriends, who has her own medical issues, came to visit me almost daily. She told me that this was God’s way of telling me to listen. I think God didn’t have to get that damn drastic. Many of my close friends were just devastated I was so sick, because I don’t get sick. There is something to be said for hearing your close friends tell you how much you mean to them. Now that I’ve been out of the hospital over a week, its starting to hit me. I’m alive. Now what?

I’m alive

Everything has crashed at my feet. Before this happened I was dealing with some other life drama. Car blew a head gasket in another state, 2 days later, lost my job, had a birthday in which i couldn’t afford to celebrate, and within days began to have serious health issues, yea April was just a fantastic month for me. I hated that job anyway. I will never put that job on any resume or employment reference ever, so it’s all good. But now what? What am I suppose to do? What ‘lesson’ am I suppose to learn? I’ve learned that dying isn’t exactly something I want to do right now. Besides wanting to spend time with my brother and nephew, my life is this open slate of nothing.

I have this ‘second’ chance and quite frankly, I’m totally lost. I don’t know what i’m suppose to do next? Usually, when my friends come to me for advice, i have some quip that makes totally sense and helps them find their path. Me? I got nothing. Outside of waking up now and thinking, “what’s my purpose”. I got nothing.

I’m alive.