These hoes aint loyal; why should they be?

So, black internet is up in arms, again.


Why? Because a certain Pastor (Dr. Jamal Bryant) included some rather …um.. un-pastorally wording a recent sermon. This an excerpt of the comment he made.



I must admit. I cracked up laughing when I read my girl Luvie’s response to this on the (

okay, she’s not my ‘girl, girl’ but I follow her and she makes me laugh like nobody’s business)


Now here is the FULL sermon here:


FULL DISCLOSURE: One of my BFFs is an Evangelist, I went to college with several people who have become ministers (or were in ministry when we were in college) or are now lead pastor(s) of large congregations. Also, I’m not a fan of organized religion.


Now that I’ve gotten that out the way.


There are several reasons why this sermon cracks me up.


First, those who are up in arms apparently didn’t listen to the WHOLE sermon. He is suggesting in the sermon that the ‘enemy’ is going after black women now that he’s destroyed (or almost) destroyed black men. In going after women, “the enemy” is steering ‘good men’ wrong because they aren’t listening to the women in their lives who have their best interest in mind. Also, the enemy is turning men and girls gay.


Alrighty then.


Second, who in the hell every said Hoes were loyal in the first place???


Hoes aint never been loyal to anyone but themselves. Who the hell didn’t know that??? To even THINK that a hoe is going to be loyal to YOU makes you a bigger fool than the hoe you are dealing with. Now, when I say “HOE”, I’m referring to MEN and WOMEN. I don’t discriminate.


He may have chose a ‘poor’ choice of wording and his description of gay men and women was a bit much for me, HOWEVER, I’m not a member of his church and his sermon wasn’t for me. It was directed at the members of his church and he chose the vernacular to which they are accustomed. Did he have to use girlfriend-beater Chris Brown’s lyrics? Um, not really, considering his recent jail stint, but I digress. I’m not his target audience. I suspect those who are offended by his wording aren’t either.


Pastor Bryant isn’t the first man to be lead astray (he had a cheating scandal several years ago and his wife divorced him) by some chick and he won’t’ be the last. The bible is filled with stories of allegedly good and not so good men who were lead astray by a big butt and a smile. (I won’t name names here). The Bible is also filled with what happened to the men after said discretion. Heck, we don’t have to look to the bible for examples (Bill Clinton, Mark Stanford, John Ensign, David Vitter, Marion Barry) My person favorite is Kwame Kilpatrick:


ANOTHER FULL DISCOSURE: He graduated from my high school


Kwame Kilpatrick takes ‘these hoes aint loyal’ to a whole new level.


I’ve never understood my guy friends who believe that the side-chick had their best interest in mind. Dude, seriously? Even with my girlfriends I was like, seriously? Good dick aside, what’s he going to offer you besides a wet bed?



Hoes (Male and Female) have ALWAYS had THEIR best interest BEFORE yours. Sex is the means to get what they want. Telling you what YOU want to hear is the paved road to getting what they want. Why in the HELL are you now shocked and hurt when you wake up from your sex coma?


This is what you think you are doing when dealing with a hoe


This is what is actually happening




When someone gets ‘gored’ by a hoe. The pity party that follows is like a 4 day electronic dance festival with obligatory sex and drug hangovers.


You can’t be mad at a hoe being a hoe, you should however, be mad at yourself for dealing with a hoe in the first place. They are pretty easy to spot.


There is a difference between a Prostitute and a Hoe. A Prostitute wants your money; A Hoe wants your property.


For those with no property, food and a movie will suffice.


V. Stivano is an example of a hoe. She got property. I ain’t mad at her about that. I’m mad at her about other things (I will blog about that later)


Lisa Bonder is another example. When convincing a billionaire to marry you when you are pregnant with another man’s child, then fake a DNA test to prove he was the father (then have to admit under oath you faked the test and another rich guy is your child’s father) and still get $100k per month in child support until your child is 19 from your ex, You are head Hoe.


I don’t fault the women. I fault the men. Someone once told me, “Someone can only do to you what you let them.”


We have to stop blaming snakes and scorpions for being themselves. When someone presents themselves a specific way but their words don’t add up. Don’t stand there and pretend like it is new math. Isn’t not. Stop second guessing yourself if someone’s playing you. Stop snooping around Facebook and twitter to see if they are cheating. While I always say “common sense isn’t common” certain things even Stevie Wonder can see.


If a guy you meet hints about moving in within the first month or after spending the night at your house

If a woman asks you to pay her rent or her car note and you JUST started having sex with her.

If a man tells you about how his ex bought his clothes and took him on trips.

If a woman tells you she needs you to pay for her hair and nails now that you are dating.



Remember, these hoes ain’t loyal to them and they damn sure ain’t going to be loyal to you.


There is a difference between someone fooling you and you fooling yourself

I’ve been reading and observing different daytime reality shows (Trisha Goddard Show, Bill Cunningham, Maury, The Test, Divorce Court, Judge Judy, etc) and I’ve started seeing a pattern:

  1. Person A (Man or Woman) meets Person B (Man or Woman)
  2. Person B makes statement of ‘romantic affection and/or leads Person A into ‘thinking’ they are in a ‘relationship’ (either full blown love affair, friends with benefits, booty call, side chick situation)
  3. Person A dives head first into a ‘relationship’ with this person after a rather ‘short’ (less than 1-3 months) after meeting Person B
  4. Person A typically is in some ways financially supporting Person B (letting them move in, ‘loans, etc)
  5. Person B typically ‘claims’ they will pay them back but never does.
  6. Person B tells Person A that their previous ‘relationship partner’ is/was rude, abusive, nasty, liar, etc.
  7. Person A, when they seen the ex, with information they ‘assume’ to be true from Person B, treats the ex accordingly.
  8. Person B, often times is seeing having some sort of ‘relationship’ with the ex or other individuals, either known or unknown to Person A
  9. Person A blames the ex or other 3rd parties of ‘causing problems’ in their relationship with Person B.
  10. Person B typically fails all lie detector test or ‘confesses’ that in fact, they are not as invested in the relationship as they appear.
  11. Person A is devastated.

What Person A never seems to understand is their COMPLICITY in the situation. In their view, everyone is to blame but them. They cannot fathom their leading role(s) in this drama.

First: If a man has children with multiple women, WHY would you have children with him? He’s not taking care of them, WHY would he take care of any you have with him?

Second, if his ex (whether or not he has children with them) is so ugly, evil, manipulative, nasty, etc, why is he STILL in communication with them? If there are NO children involved, there is definitely NO REASON for them to have any conversation.

Third, this person has no job, no discernible source of income, they rely on family for basic living conditions, why would you decide that they are ‘worthy’ of your financial support? Unless you are running a charitable organization, you should concentrate YOUR efforts on building a solid foundation for YOUR future, not the ‘potential possible future’ they MIGHT have with you.


At what point will you realize that their actions are NOT corresponding to their words?


There is always a point where the host of the show looks Person A in the eye and rightfully so asks them since they now know the truth, are they going to stay with this person? There immediate answer is always “HELL NO”, then during the show update, The audience sees Person A and Person B talking via Skype saying how they ‘worked’ through their ‘issues’ and are more in love than ever. Of course there are tons of side-eyes from the audience and the viewers.


I believe in love. Although it might not seem like it from my blog (insert laugh and head slap here) but I believe in a healthy love. The kind of love that doesn’t have you stalking individuals you ‘think’ are interested in the person you are ‘dating’. The type of love that does not believe that cheating is acceptable until you get married. Then after you are married, well, the argument is “this is how I was before we got married…” I want the kind of love where someone takes my emotions and well-being into considering when they are making life decisions. I want the type of love that doesn’t involve ‘breaks’ every time one of us gets the ‘hots’ for someone else.


Apparently, love has evolved over the recent years to mean love isn’t love until I’ve made a fool out of you.

While we are on the topic



There has been’uproar’ over several male opera reviewers who decided that, rather than discuss the Irish mezzo-soprano Tara Erraught’s vocal range, they would call her


Andrew Clark in Financial Times: “Tara Erraught’s Octavian is a chubby bundle of puppy-fat.” 

Andrew Clements in The Guardian: “It’s hard to imagine this stocky Octavian as this willowy woman’s plausible lover.”

Michael Church in The Independent: “This Octavian (Tara Erraught) has the demeanor of a scullery-maid.” (NPR notes that Church didn’t comment on Erraught’s performance at all, despite her Octavian being one of the opera’s two co-leads.)

Rupert Christiansen in The Telegraph: “Tara Erraught is dumpy of stature and whether in bedroom deshabille, disguised as Mariandel or in full aristocratic fig, her costuming makes her resemble something between Heidi and Just William. Is Jones simply trying to make the best of her intractable physique or is he trying to say something about the social-sexual dynamic?” 

Richard Morrison in The Times of London: “Unbelievable, unsightly and unappealing.”


This is what she sounds like




Not if she did stunning in the performance.

Not that she “NAILED” the character

But she’s ‘chubby, fat and dumpy’


And what the fuck do you guys look like?? Curious minds want to know?? Right???


Michael Church


Andrew Clemens



YEP, that’s what I thought…





Let me clue you in on a little something. The AVERAGE size of a woman in the “WESTERN CULTURE” is about a 10/14. Not THE 8 FUCKING SUPERMODELS WHO ARE INTERCHANGEABLE


This is beauty


If you think your partners (male or female) are with you because of your ‘looks’ and ‘charming personality’, um…



I’m going to have to say NO.


I decided that I would add some other ‘topics’ of discussion on my blog. Such as what’s life like being a ‘big girl’. Now before you say anything, Big girls turn down more dick than you can imagine. Especially those of us who are pretty fuckin sexy. (Like me). But it gets my fuckin blood boiling when skinny bitches think the only men anyone over a size 14 can attract is this



Let me set the record straight. I have dated men who looked like models, I have dated men who had faces only their mothers could love and guess what? EVERY GUY I have dated was fucking lucky to have me on his arm, whether I was a size 9 or a size 20.


Men who approach me like they are doing me a favor don’t get any attention. They don’t get conversation; they don’t get anything but the angry black woman look and a raised eyebrow.

I have told more than one man in my lifetime: “I’ve turned DOWN more dick than you ever had PUSSY in this lifetime, don’t get the game twisted”. Any woman who is confident and sexy will get a man’s attention. It doesn’t matter WHAT size you are. For all those men (and women) who are feeling bad for their ‘big’ girlfriends, don’t be. I turn down dick daily. Cause I can. I don’t have to fuck any man just because he looks at me? I don’t have to have sex with some guy because I’m desperate. For the record, I am not. If sex isn’t on my terms (or any person’s terms) why have it?


Once in grad school, one of my classmates said the following to me:

Him: “Normally, I’m not attracted to women your size”

Me: “My size? What makes you think I’m attracted to YOU?”


He was all of 5’9 and 165 lbs soaking wet. At the time, I was a size 12/14 and about 180lbs. What the fuck was I going to do with him? If there was a fight, I’d have to help HIS ass out.

He spent the rest of our time in grad school sweating me like Donald Sterling’s wife trying to get her money back from V. Stiviano.


There are too many people who believe that someone’s worth is tied to their dress size. It’s not. It never was and never will be.


It’s frustrating that a talented professional in her field is reduced to being fat-shamed in the media because she doesn’t ‘represent’ what some moron thinks a character ‘should’ look. Get with the program. Its 2014.


Big girls are doing it for themselves. In big ways. Either get on board or we will run you over.

What i learned this year



Tomorrow is my birthday. 


i know, i haven’t been blogging much. bad me. had stuff going on offline i had to deal with. i have been working on some writings, which i will post soon and we will go back to our regularly scheduled sneakiness and things to make you go “hum”



i decided to write, like i always do about things i have learned during the past year and make sure i don’t do them (at least not in abundance) for the upcoming year. here goes


1. remember that i’m #1

that’s right. its all about me. that’s the great thing about being single and childless. my decisions will impact me dramatically, i need to make sure i can live honestly in truth with the results. 


2. remember that no one is more important than me.

feeding off #1, i am the most important person in my universe. while i love my friends and family dearly, let’s face it. they can’t/won’t go to heaven or hell for me. 



3. being single is a good thing. 

there is nothing absolutely worse than being in a relationship with someone and wishing you weren’t. 



4. never settle

this includes with my love life, my social life, my professional life. settling will only negative my ability to live in my truth and then i really won’t be living will i?



5. be mindful, be grateful, be compassionate, be kind.

being kind, loving and compassionate is not and will never mean I am a weak person. even if those assclowns think i am



6. what someone thinks of me is none of my business

if people take about Jesus, what makes me think they won’t talk about me? does it really matter what others think about me? absolutely not.



7.  believe in yourself and your abilities

there are so many times this past year that i doubted myself and my abilities. i shouldn’t have. i’m smarter and more brilliant that i ever thought possible.



8. be your own best friend

friends are nice, but its nicer when i enjoy my own company and make myself laugh and smile



9. when in doubt, don’t go out with him

it is perfectly okay to not be interested in someone who is interested in me. this isn’t 1825 or 1955, i’m not looking for a husband. 


10. when in doubt, remember #1

Public Service Announcement for Married/Attached or Women in a serious, committed relationship

Dear Married Women (and those of you in ‘marriage/long-term commitment type relationship),


Hi there, this is your friendly neighborhood single woman. I’m the friend you’ve known since kindergarten, grade school, the neighborhood, high school, college, and your first job after college, your next-door neighbor and cousin’s sister’s best friend’s roommate. Yep, that’s me here. I have something to talk to you about because quite frankly, I’ve become concerned.


It’s about your husband. You know, that guy who you sleep with daily (okay, you might not be having sex with him daily, but you know what I mean). Well, I hate to break it to you but I need you to tell him that posting that picture of his face on a dating website is not really cute. That picture of his nether region in your bathroom isn’t very cute either (one word. Manscaping)


Now, I’m not trying to get in your business. If he’s on there and you know about it, that’s fine. HOWEVER, I’m kinda positive that you don’t know that he has posted that he is single/separated/divorced on the profile also. Again, not trying to get in your business BUT last time we hung out, you spent A LOT of time talking about how ‘single women’ need to find their own men and stop hunting down good loving considerate wives husbands. WELL, that’s what WE ARE TRYING TO DO. Unfortunately for us, your husband’s keep getting in the way. What is it that when I specifically post on my profile that I’m interested in SINGLE/DIVORCED MEN, your husband is sending me pictures and telling me how he’d like to get to know me? Or better yet, your husband is telling me that he’s ‘separated’ but when I ask him what his case number is, he can’t give me one? Well, it’s because of course, he NEVER paid an attorney to FILE ONE. I hate to tell you honey, but your husband is separated in HIS MIND, maybe not yours, but HIS MIND DAMN SURE THINKS HE SEPARATED AND HE’S ACTING ACCORDINGLY.


Now, us single women do try to do our due diligence to determine if a man is married. Check for a ring. Yep. He’s not wearing one. His place? He brings us to his boy/cousins’/mom’s house. Car? He’s put the car seat in the trunk. Phone? He’s got a pre-paid Boost Mobile you don’t know about. Job? He’s giving us the main line number and they just transfer us to his number. Going out? He’s taking me all over the place. He’s spending money on me like Bill Gates and Warren Buffet. Time? I can’t get him off the damn phone and he’s texting me all hours of the day and night. Friends? Yes, he’s introducing me to his ‘boys’ and their women.


So here is my suggestion to help us single women below:






If you are going to let him walk around in public among us single/divorced women, I think you should put him on one of the devices above. For the low price of $35.99, you can keep his penis right where it should be, locked up and the key in your purse.




Again, I’m not trying to tell you how to handle your business, BUT there would be a WHOLE LOT LESS outside babies and single women showing up at your door in the middle of the day telling you that they are having a ‘relationship’ with your husband. If you husband can pull a Houdini and get of this contraption, then you have more pressing issues that whether or not he’s cheating on you.



It’s hard enough out here to date a ‘normal’ man, but a married one, us single women ain’t got time for that. But you can do something to help this situation too. Stop blaming US for your husband cheating. There is not a single woman alive, who would not want to find her own ‘Prince Charming’, so why would we settle for yours?




Yelling, Screaming, calling us a gold-digger and all that good stuff may make you feel better, but guess what, most of us:


1.       Didn’t know he was married

2.       When we figure out/found out his was married, we broke off the relationship

3.       YOUR HUSBAND was the one chasing us, blowing up our phone and telling us how much he didn’t want to be with you but for the kids

4.       He’s a weak bastard and you can do better


Whatever reason your man chose to step out on your relationship is between you and him. Whether he’s always cheated or this is the first time he acted on it, please consider this, HE chose to step out of your relationship. I didn’t magically make his penis fall out of his pants and fall into my vagina. I didn’t pay for the dinner and hotel room, HE DID THAT. I understand that being angry with the woman seems like the best way to focus your anger but it really isn’t. All you are doing is projecting all your anger on the woman instead of where it really lies, with YOUR MAN.  If you took the time to sit down with me, review the text messages, listen to voice messages, read emails, look at the pictures HE SENT ME, you would tell pretty quickly his version of ‘events’ are probably not what he lead you to believe about our ‘relationship’.



Am I sorry you got hurt, absolutely? Am I sorry that your world just turned upside down and inside out? Absolutely.  But you should focus on YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. Having your girls call me up or show up to my job is only going to get someone’s ass kicked (not mine) and criminal charges filed again you (and them). Focus your anger on the person who you spend countless hours planning a wedding you couldn’t afford and a dress you’ve only worn once. Blame the man who made your body turn inside out pushing out those big headed babies for him. That man who you lay next to whose family you really aren’t fond of but pretend to because your ‘suppose’ to. That should be your focus. I didn’t lie to you, he did. I didn’t tear your heart apart, he did. He told me all sorts of things about you. Personal things that I honestly shouldn’t know, but I do. Now you have a decision to make.



Should you decide to stay, because you don’t want to lose your lifestyle/standing in the community, ask yourself this: Is staying worth my dignity?



Don’t worry, he’s not coming here. No sir, I don’t tolerate liars and cheats. If I wanted that, I would have stayed with my ex-boyfriend.



Yes relationships are hard. Long-term relationships/marriages are work. Absolutely yes they are work, daily grind, in and out work. When only one of you is doing the work, why be THERE in the first place? Hoping and praying that one day this person, this man who swore before God to forsake all others except YOU is going to magically wake up and realize what a great, beautiful, commitment, woman that has been in his life all along isn’t going to happen. If he considered how his cheating would affect you and the life he shared with you, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. He didn’t do that instead he’s surfing the internet finding your emotional/physical substitute. Maybe he’s not going to leave and he’s just trying to get his dick sucked. Who knows? But seriously, us single women have enough on our plate that to get involved with your marriage. We have much better things to do with our time, like finding our own “Prince Charming”. I could tell you you deserve better, but until YOU believe you deserve better, your situation isn’t going to get any better and I won’t be the only woman your husband is trying to date.



I’m Just saying


Me on the radio!

Okay boys and girls, check me out. just happened to be on the radio tonight.

(yea, i know, i should have told you about it in advance but i didn’t and… whatever)

but just because i love you, i’m posting the link here so you can hear my lovely voice.

I had a great time, Capital T and Walter Kirkland and Ms. Latoya Nichole Williams

We had a great time and I hope to be back hanging out with the guys soon!

I’m sorry, I forgot

oh i m sorry i forgot i only exist

Sometimes, you just gotta tell someone to kiss your left butt-cheek.

Yea, i know, I know. But She’s really a good person, she’s going thru something right now.

Yea, he’s an douche, BUT… he’s just stressed about work.

Yep, alrighty then. Why is it that this person ONLY contacts you when THEY need something. Something that involves YOU being naked OR on your knees OR you on all fours OR money is involved?

I’m just saying.

I was talking at a girlfriend and we joked about how this one guy she had a ‘thing’ with would send her a dirty text message, accompanied by a very dirty vine-like video. She was like, seriously. She typically ignores the text. Finally, after days of ignoring his recent series of text and video, he replied back with “so you really aren’t going to talk to me?”

We both fell out laughing.

At what point do you tell someone to kiss your left butt-cheek while you are driving down I-95 in rush hour traffic?

The FIRST time you realize that they go ‘rouge’ and ‘secret squirrel’ on you? meaning: you go from daily text, emails, phone calls, to weeks of radio silence? only to get that 11:30pm Saturday night text asking ‘WYD’

boy/girl please

ain’t no body GOT TIME FOR THAT

The THIRD time you realize they go ‘Delta force secret mission’ because of course, their job working as an accountant for Price Waterhouse has that in their ‘other duties as assigned as part of their contract’





Just admit it. You are grooming others and we are all at different areas of the supply chain.

See how easy that was?

Now, here’s the problem when you keep your mouth shut. continue with lies of omissions, and do stupid shit.

YOUR CAR GET KEYED. And we KNOW how much it will cost to get a Lexus repainted

YOUR CAR WINDOWS GET BROKEN. Get ready to get Safelight stock

YOUR HOME GETS TRASHED. Yea, get ADT now. cause you will get visited by someone’s cousin’s crazy ‘play brother’ and his crew

YOU WILL GET YOUR ASS KICKED OR WORSE. playing with someone’s sister’s emotions will get you a late night visit, visit to your job and very few words will be spoken. You will get cracked in the jaw so quick, Money Mayweather will be jealous. BTW, the deadline for signing up for The Affordable Care Act is coming soon.

You will get blasted on social media. You do NOT want your dick pics online. Cause what they say about black men IS NOT TRUE. Don’t be that example.

here’s the thing. women are like elephants. They NEVER forget. You keep going to try to come back to the well with all the confidence of the captain of the Titanic. We know how that turned out.