Did I forget to mention???

dear readers,

please forgive me for not doing this sooner. I have no real excuse other than stuff just got away from me!.

(for that I am sorry)

but I have good news!

my dot come is up and running

that’s right!

http://www.jinksjones.com is online.

I know some of you are probably thinking “what about the old post?”

well, i’m working on that. LOL. so for now, the old post are here, and the new post are there and EVENTUALLY, everyone will be in the same place (to feel all the love!)

but I wanted to let you know that I wholeheartedly welcome you to my new ‘spot’ where my banter will still be witty and sting and side-eye (per always) but I do it with so much love!

see you on the flip side!

jinks

 

“who I am and why I’m here”

So, I’m participating in the blogging 101 via WordPress and of course, I’m dragging all my readers along also.

     I’m blogging versus keeping a personal online journal because I want to shout in the wind. You know how sometimes when you are really, really upset and want to scream at the universe? well, blogging is my ‘screaming at the universe” (lol) I don’t think I’m screaming as much as I’m giving a different perspective on things. I don’t think too many perspectives are a bad thing, but I am definitely sure that we all sometimes need that “cool, someone else thinks the same way I do!”. Its so important for everyone to not feel so alone in the universe.

The topics I write about are sex, love and relationships and everything in between for my nieces and nephews. My perspective as a Gen X means I can relate to both parents and kids. As I don’t have kids, (which I’m cool with) I bring the ‘Auntie’ perspective. I am quite happy being an aunt (and great aunt) but I’m also not afraid to tell them they are screwing up royally or telling them how proud I am of them. I think its important for kids today (everyone under 40 for me lol) to understand that every single day is a new slate. You don’t have to repeat the mistakes and missteps of your parents (or even me); you don’t have to stay stuck in bad situations, relationship, friendships, jobs, or even locations. You can live your life, fully, and with purpose, without kicking someone in the teeth. really.

I would love to connect with those teenager, young adults (college age) and those over 21 who are like, I am f***ing up my life and I need help! or those men and women, young girls and boys who are like, what I don’t really have any role models for what a healthy, positive, loving and relationships look like (cause IG and Facebook aint it) I also want to connect with those who think that sex rules everything around them. It doesn’t, and if you really think it does, let me be clear, Looks fade, bodies turn flabby (even with age) and there will ALWAYS be someone younger and prettier than you waiting to take your place. believe that.

In the next year I hope to accomplish

     a) posting weekly (if not 2 or more times)

     b) guest writing on other blogs

    c) appearing on podcast

    d) and finishing up my eBook & companion seminar

So, sit back and enjoy the ride!

Happy Valentine’s Day… just don’t blow it.

Dear Nephews,
It’s Valentine’s Day! The only day of the year (outside of Christmas) where everyone is trying to show their affection by buying love with chocolate and high-priced flowers and dinners. Okay, some of us.

Now to be a spoiled sport about the whole holiday (which I do enjoy for the most part) but like with most things, some people just do too damn much.

For those of you in a “just causally dating someone”, in a serious ‘relationship’, partnered up or married, this day can set the tone for the rest of this year, along with Christmas and your partner’s birthday so you really can’t afford to fuck this up.

However, someone will neglect to do or ‘say’ the right thing and things will get all stupid for a while. I can’t help you with saying or doing stupid things (for the most part) but I can give you some guidance for an overall picture of what you should have been doing before you get to this point.

For those who are in ‘dating’ mode

1. If you are ‘dating’ more than 1 person, (and of course they don’t know it) until you are ballin like that, you are not doing yourself any favors by treating them all the same. If they were all the same, you would just be dating ONE of them, SERIOUSLY. Each of them is giving you something specific, so you might do well to hone in on that. Have a monetary amount you will spend on each one and don’t go over it. If you have one you like more than the rest, she’ll get a higher amount, but not your damn paycheck. Don’t be stupid. I’m not going to let you borrow rent money or car note money because you trying to impress someone you ‘like’.

2. If you are ‘dating’ more than 1 person, you want to schedule out Valentine’s Day. If the day falls on a weekend, (like today) don’t give up your WHOLE weekend for some ‘romantic trip’ to impress the one you like the MOST. (Again, you have a budget) and don’t let her offer to take you away either. You will only cause problems in the long run when she figures out or realizes that she/he was 1 of 5 ‘friends’ you have. Give every person you are dating ‘except’ #1 a time limit of no more than 1 to 1 ½ hours of your time on Valentine’s Day. Give the one you like the most 2 -3 hours. Don’t create standards you won’t be able to keep up. There’s no reason for anyone to be up in anyone’s face all damn day, in love or not. Love doesn’t pay the bills. If you are seeing anyone who wants to know your whereabouts of every second of every day, DUMP THEM. They have issues and I don’t remember anyone one of you signing up for the fire department or rescue a chick service.

3. If you are dating someone exclusively, then an overnight trip is fine BUT remember it’s not about how much money you spend but the quality of time you spend with them. Don’t plan a trip to Paris when you can’t pay your bills. Don’t play a cruise when you’re looking at your car being repossessed. There are TONS of things you can do that are meaningful and special without spending up the national debt. If the person you are with complains about how much you are NOT spending, you might want to reconsider the character of the person you are dating.

Understand that you are under NO obligation to spend ONE red penny on Valentine’s Day for ANYONE. If you chose to celebrate, that’s wonderful. If not, don’t. It’s absolutely totally your choice, but whatever you do, DO NOT be so tacky as to send a text of flowers and candy to a woman. Whether you are “Just” friends or not. It’s RUDE as hell. What the hell is she going to do with that? Don’t even pretend with the

“It’s the thought that counts” Auntie???!!!

Well, here’s that thought” translated:

“I don’t think you are worth having red roses or candy sent to your house or job because YOU are not important enough for me to spend the $35 for a bunch of red roses and a $12.00 box of chocolates. But I will send you a TEXT PICTURE of these things in the hopes that you don’t think I’m that cheap and that I at least thought about you while I bought someone ELSE flowers, candy, a card and took HER out to dinner. But hey, when YOU get drunk, horny or lonely, I’m hoping I’m the first person you text.”

2 that right there is unfucking acceptable

So again, try NOT to be a douche this day. I will have to talk about you later. At the next family gathering, in front of everyone AND the girl you DIDN’T send the text picture of flowers to. Let’s see how that works out for you. Cause you know I will.

now how the &**&^ did that happen…

Now this is embarrassing. I thought all this time these wonderful and witty post were on the internet for all to see. Imagine my surprise when i looked. BLAM!

NOTHING.

take about a letdown. so where the hell are they??

i have no clue.

talk about being rather pissy. at myself.

so what do i do know, because of course, i didn’t back them up. anywhere. cause, well, i was a bonehead.

So, now i have to try not to hit myself in the head with a shovel and come up with a plan.

Here’s the plan.

write more often.

get on top of my damn postings.

cause my audience misses me.

LOL

To my nephew James on his 3rd birthday

Happy Happy Happy birthday little one!

Wow, its been THREE years already. I remember when i saw the sonogram pictures of you. My heart was filled with so much joy. It seems like only yesterday that I remember our mom bring your dad home from the hospital. He was the red and looked around alot, like you did when you were a baby LOL. Then when i actually changed your diapers, i remembered when I changed his. I also recall he peed on me a couple of times. (okay, more than a couple) and would laugh himself silly. Thankfully, when i changed yours, we both had a good laugh, without the peeing situation (thank you so much for that).

You are a happy baby (while technically a toddler/little boy), you will always be my baby. You are so loved, even by your pre-school teachers who think you are the smartest little boy in school (as if I didn’t know that already)and their favorite (although they aren’t suppose to have favorites, you are theirs).

You love making your parents laugh, you love yelling at the dogs and you and the cat have a very non-threatening relationship. (the cat loves your dad, you well, he’d rather your dad give him all his love and affection, but that’s only because he was your dad’s favorite first) You love your Nana and think she’s with you while she is talking to you via FACETIME. You walk around with the phone in your hand showing her your toys and other stuff. Now you running around naked she can do without, but you love making her laugh.

Me, you love making me laugh too. you love talking to me, although sometimes i need your father to translate. While you are my youngest nephew and technically, i cannot have favorites of anyone of you, please know that i love you very, very, very much. I think of you (and your cousins) all the time. I wish you nothing but the best and one of my biggest goals in the world is to make it a safer and better place for you and all your cousins.

I want you to know that you are love, absolutely and completely by your family. Both sides of your family. We treasure the child you are now and the man you will become.

This blog is for you and your cousins. It is for you to know me and for you to know that while i might not be with you in person, I want to share what i have learned over the years, the good and bad with you guys so that you don’t have to make the same mistakes I did. I want you to know that I have here for you, thick and thin. Yes, i will yell and scream and threaten to put my foot down your throat, but trust, its only because I CARE. If i didn’t, believe me, I would not even pretend to. I would shake my hands of you (and your cousins) and go about my business.

I want you to know I will always be here for you, even when you do stupid things, make stupid decisions and generally act like a fool. But guess what, that’s what life is about. Making mistakes and LEARNING from them. Learning and growing is what makes us humans. We are all flawed in some way or another, some more than others. The key is to know your flaws but to work to your strengths.

In you i see the hopes and dreams of your parents, who would lay down their lives for you, without questions. You can add me to that also. I want you to know that whether or not i am there beside you physically or on the other side of the world, I will drop everything if you need me to be with you.

Now, i want you to eat lots of cake, run around and scream and yell “today is my birthday” as your parents watch you will more love and joy than their hearts can stand.

I will see you soon and we will take our walks to the park, just like we did before I left. This time, i promise to not take pictures of you but catch you when you come down the slide. In my defense, you were a bit quick coming down that slide, I’m just saying…

love you always

Auntie…

These hoes aint loyal; why should they be?

So, black internet is up in arms, again.

 

Why? Because a certain Pastor (Dr. Jamal Bryant) included some rather …um.. un-pastorally wording a recent sermon. This an excerpt of the comment he made.

 

 

I must admit. I cracked up laughing when I read my girl Luvie’s response to this on the grio.com (http://thegrio.com/2014/06/04/pastor-quotes-chris-brown-sermon/

okay, she’s not my ‘girl, girl’ but I follow her and she makes me laugh like nobody’s business)

 

Now here is the FULL sermon here:

http://wordofyeshua.eu/enemies-worst-nightmare/

 

FULL DISCLOSURE: One of my BFFs is an Evangelist, I went to college with several people who have become ministers (or were in ministry when we were in college) or are now lead pastor(s) of large congregations. Also, I’m not a fan of organized religion.

 

Now that I’ve gotten that out the way.

 

There are several reasons why this sermon cracks me up.

 

First, those who are up in arms apparently didn’t listen to the WHOLE sermon. He is suggesting in the sermon that the ‘enemy’ is going after black women now that he’s destroyed (or almost) destroyed black men. In going after women, “the enemy” is steering ‘good men’ wrong because they aren’t listening to the women in their lives who have their best interest in mind. Also, the enemy is turning men and girls gay.

 

Alrighty then.

 

Second, who in the hell every said Hoes were loyal in the first place???

 

Hoes aint never been loyal to anyone but themselves. Who the hell didn’t know that??? To even THINK that a hoe is going to be loyal to YOU makes you a bigger fool than the hoe you are dealing with. Now, when I say “HOE”, I’m referring to MEN and WOMEN. I don’t discriminate.

 

He may have chose a ‘poor’ choice of wording and his description of gay men and women was a bit much for me, HOWEVER, I’m not a member of his church and his sermon wasn’t for me. It was directed at the members of his church and he chose the vernacular to which they are accustomed. Did he have to use girlfriend-beater Chris Brown’s lyrics? Um, not really, considering his recent jail stint, but I digress. I’m not his target audience. I suspect those who are offended by his wording aren’t either.

 

Pastor Bryant isn’t the first man to be lead astray (he had a cheating scandal several years ago and his wife divorced him) by some chick and he won’t’ be the last. The bible is filled with stories of allegedly good and not so good men who were lead astray by a big butt and a smile. (I won’t name names here). The Bible is also filled with what happened to the men after said discretion. Heck, we don’t have to look to the bible for examples (Bill Clinton, Mark Stanford, John Ensign, David Vitter, Marion Barry) My person favorite is Kwame Kilpatrick:

 

ANOTHER FULL DISCOSURE: He graduated from my high school

 

Kwame Kilpatrick takes ‘these hoes aint loyal’ to a whole new level.

 

I’ve never understood my guy friends who believe that the side-chick had their best interest in mind. Dude, seriously? Even with my girlfriends I was like, seriously? Good dick aside, what’s he going to offer you besides a wet bed?

 

 

Hoes (Male and Female) have ALWAYS had THEIR best interest BEFORE yours. Sex is the means to get what they want. Telling you what YOU want to hear is the paved road to getting what they want. Why in the HELL are you now shocked and hurt when you wake up from your sex coma?

 

This is what you think you are doing when dealing with a hoe

 

This is what is actually happening

 

 

 

When someone gets ‘gored’ by a hoe. The pity party that follows is like a 4 day electronic dance festival with obligatory sex and drug hangovers.

 

You can’t be mad at a hoe being a hoe, you should however, be mad at yourself for dealing with a hoe in the first place. They are pretty easy to spot.

 

There is a difference between a Prostitute and a Hoe. A Prostitute wants your money; A Hoe wants your property.

 

For those with no property, food and a movie will suffice.

 

V. Stivano is an example of a hoe. She got property. I ain’t mad at her about that. I’m mad at her about other things (I will blog about that later)

 

Lisa Bonder is another example. When convincing a billionaire to marry you when you are pregnant with another man’s child, then fake a DNA test to prove he was the father (then have to admit under oath you faked the test and another rich guy is your child’s father) and still get $100k per month in child support until your child is 19 from your ex, You are head Hoe.

 

I don’t fault the women. I fault the men. Someone once told me, “Someone can only do to you what you let them.”

 

We have to stop blaming snakes and scorpions for being themselves. When someone presents themselves a specific way but their words don’t add up. Don’t stand there and pretend like it is new math. Isn’t not. Stop second guessing yourself if someone’s playing you. Stop snooping around Facebook and twitter to see if they are cheating. While I always say “common sense isn’t common” certain things even Stevie Wonder can see.

 

If a guy you meet hints about moving in within the first month or after spending the night at your house

If a woman asks you to pay her rent or her car note and you JUST started having sex with her.

If a man tells you about how his ex bought his clothes and took him on trips.

If a woman tells you she needs you to pay for her hair and nails now that you are dating.

 

 

Remember, these hoes ain’t loyal to them and they damn sure ain’t going to be loyal to you.