I read about the football coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks being busted for what he now admits was a “inappropriate’ relationship with a 25 yr old member of his staff. Now, i actually, totally hate when people say about the cheater and the other ‘person’ are “a really good person who made a mistake”. Um, really? When you are in the public eye, yes, there is the ‘power’ factor that attracts women, married or not. When i was 14, one of my Godmother’s gave me some great advice: “Don’t shit where you sleep. If you cat doesn’t, why the hell would you.” She was right. If you are going to cheat, don’t do it with someone at work. Don’t place your economic livelihood on the line for sex. Unless the person you are having sex with (other than your partner/spouse) can fully support you when you get fired from your job, why risk it? Now if you are the other woman, of course you can play the role that ‘i lost my job because of you, so you ‘HAVE’ to help me, otherwise, i’m going to have to tell my story for $$$”. Don’t get it confused, Gloria Allred is probably contacting the coach’s paramour right now, telling her that IF she’s fired from her job (which she may have gotten BECAUSE of her relationship with him) she can sue for sexual harrassment and wrongful discharge.
Yes, people get caught up. Now, for full disclosure, I have been the other woman. I will say that I do not make it a habit of dating married men. I’ve found them to be rather serious in trying to engage a woman they are interested in. They will tell you whatever they think you want to hear. Marriage on its last leg? yes? Unhappy? absolutely? Wife not ‘fulfilling’ her wifely duties? of course not. Marriage over but staying for the kids? he just can’t leave, he says. The time isn’t right, but i will when YYZ happens. They are so focused on what they want, something different, they will use all of their wit, charm and intelligence to press every button to get whatever it is they need to from whomever. Its a constant game if you are single, to make sure you stay out of harms way.
Was i ever confronted by the wife? once, but in that specific incident, I had no idea he was married. In fact, he was quite adamant about how ‘single’ he was. He was a member of the military. I was livid because she called my job, that was crossing the line. She also called my house and had some guy pretend to be a “Sargent Major” who preceeded to call me out my name and called me a ‘homewrecker’. Talk about pissed. I called his base and spoke with a ‘real’ Sargent Major. Thank god for caller ID. The end result was his superior officer making him apologize to me on the phone, him losing his recent promotion and the high probability that his military career probably was over. Especially when i threatened to make an appointment to the base commander with every email and voice mail message. Was i wrong? No, i don’t think so. He was so damn intent on getting me to sleep with him, he was willing to risk his military career to do so. he took a gamble and it didn’t work out. Had he told me that he was married at the beginning, no, i wouldn’t have gone out with him. Why? why should I? there are too many single guys out here that i really don’t want to deal with married/attached men.
John Edwards, Arnold, Gerry Hart, Gary Condit, Jesse James, Ashton Kutcher all thought their wives wouldn’t find out. I genuinely believe that none of them thought they would get caught. Why, because they thought they were ‘smarter’ than their wives and those around them. When those around you are afraid to tell you ‘bad’ things or you place people around you who will tell you whatever you want to hear. Many of the previously mentioned men lost their wives and the respect of those around them, especially their children. When you have to look at your daughter or son in the eye and tell them that you cheating on their mother, you will never have the same relationship. Now, after being caught, You tell your wife how sorry you are, how stupid you were, how so against your character this is. You don’t tell her how you promised this woman that ‘someday’ you’d be with her, how you hated being with your wife/partner and wished you’d met her earlier in life, how you just plain didn’t like her anymore. You agree to therapy, counseling or whatever gaultlet she throws before you. why, because you don’t want to lose the life that you told the other women you wanted to leave in the first place.
There are a million reasons why men and women cheat. of couse, no one thinks they will get caught, which again, goes to their level of intelligence.