I’m always talking with people about relationships. These conversations make me think of a couple of things First, Good lord let me not have THAT kind of relationship, Second, this person refuses to see the ‘real’ person they are dating; Third, I can be really narrow-minded (LOL)
What i always find myself asking the other person in the conversation is how did you two start? what was it that made you say, okay, i want to date this person. Often I get this long winded “Oh i just knew’ story. When pressed, typically it was the woman who finally said “what the fuck are we doing” and the guys just hemmed and hawed and fell in line. My experiences has been totally different. I am usually the one looking like a deer in headlights when a guy says “um, you know we are dating exclusively right?” I’m like, ‘seriously? when did THAT happen?” I don’t recall THAT conversation. To which now we HAVE the exclusive conversation. As we are having that conversation, i’m thinking about how now i have to rearrange my dating schedule to delete the several men who i have made plans for the next couple of months. WTF. NOW you want to have this conversation?? Sometimes i just boldly stated, sorry, just not cut out for the ‘exclusive’ thing. I also try to weave a story about how i think things are fine just the way they are. Of course, i’m not going to say that i like having sex with people other than you. That would be a bit much, even for me. Several were like, “okay, i can respect you aren’t ready. i’ll wait”. Dude, you can’t hold your breath that long. or “well, that’s what i want, take it or we are done. Bye then. I’m not going to be guiltily forced into a relationship or blackmailed into being monogamous. I do not believe that monogamy is a bad thing. I just don’t necessarily think its for me. right now. I’ve tried. I’ve been the cheater, cheatee and the other woman. None of them are fun and whoever says they are, they lie. What it did teach me was that lying about what you want, wasn’t going to get you what you wanted. For example, telling someone you want to be exclusive, just to stop them from sleeping with other people. not cute. Telling someone you have stronger feelings for them than you do, because you don’t want to be alone. Unnecessary. If you are in a relationship with someone because they are a ‘good person’ but sexually they don’t do a damn thing for you? let them find someone who does think they are a sex god in bed while you find your comparably match. Since i have never been the type of person to believe in ‘instant’ relationship’ (relationship where you meet someone and three days later claim to be in love, and you don’t know that person’s last name), So that tends to slow down many of my potential ‘boyfriends’. After a while, they realize that i’m going to be me. (which blows their minds) and i’m going to do things my way (not maliciously) in my own time frame. I’m not going to call you daily, text you mindlessly or drive by your house because i was in the area. I’m going to live my life, if we ‘click’, i’ll incorporate you into it like folding eggs into souffle. I am not however, changing my life for you. I’m going to treat you as i want to be treated, but that doesn’t mean you are moving in with me, or i’m moving in with you.
Because really, when you think about it, its not you. its me. Really.