what you wont do for love

As i’m on this journey to write a blog post every day this month (its only day 2) i am hoping i will not become redundant on certain topics, so wish me luck.

I am a news junkie. teaching criminal justice so of course, i’m on the lookout for stories that illustrate specific theories. Today, i found one that made me say, okay i can use this on the blog as an illustration of what some women will do for love.

Steven Demink convinced seven woman (at last count) to sexually molest their children and in some cases live on webcam. He received a life sentence, the women received sentences between three and seven years. Why would these mothers commit such horrible acts against their own children? well for love. It would appear Steven convinced these women that he was a single, good looking father making $200,000 and looking for a serious relationship. What was he really? an overweight car salesman who stole pics of male models to help his charade. It would appear it worked. Women in Indiana, Idaho, Georgia and Illinois willingly committed horrific acts against their children to win his ‘love’. When i first read the articles in the Detroit Free Press,

http://www.freep.com/article/20120402/NEWS01/204020348/Restitution-sought-to-care-for-kids-whose-moms-used-them-to-make-porn

i thought: Seriously? are you that desperate for a man? is is absolutely possible for some unattractive overweight man in his basement having that much game? Are you serious? At what point did any of these women think that having oral sex with your child would make a man love you?  I’m totally confused. That’s not love. Love doesn’t make you commit felonies against your own children. Love doesn’t make you think your lost without someone. Love doesn’t make you lose your mind if someone doesn’t email you immediately or text your constantly. Love doesn’t make you blame others for your insecurities and Love doesn’t exploit your vulnerabilities. Yet these women did. They were exploited in the worst way, to exploit their children in the worse way. I can only imagine when the prosecutors showed them the ‘real’ Steven, what did they do? scream that wasn’t their ‘boyfriend/fiancee’. did the reality of the situation become apparent then? or when the steel doors hit behind them? I keep telling myself that there must be some reason they would do such vile acts against their children, only to realize sometimes, there is no reason for evil. Lets be clear, what they did to their children were not loving acts, and they were not done for any other purpose except for the gratification of someone else, someone they didn’t know and didn’t love them.

Love is a hypothetical construct. Imagine if you will a box, it can be a small box, medium box, big box, tall box, etc. Now whatever is your definition of love is, its in that box. If you think love is a man washing your hair, its in the box. If you think love is a man buying you flowers weekly, its in there. If you think love is fixing your man breakfast in bed, its also there. Whatever someone else has in their box is their business. Unless and until they see the negativity of their box, you cannot help them. All the begging, pleading, cajoling will not make an abusive woman leave her man. Until someone being abused (man or woman) realizes that being called names, being treated like shit, being made to feel less than human learns to realize that that person doesn’t ‘love’ them, they will continue to do horrible things, in the name of love.

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