To my nephew James on his 3rd birthday

Happy Happy Happy birthday little one!

Wow, its been THREE years already. I remember when i saw the sonogram pictures of you. My heart was filled with so much joy. It seems like only yesterday that I remember our mom bring your dad home from the hospital. He was the red and looked around alot, like you did when you were a baby LOL. Then when i actually changed your diapers, i remembered when I changed his. I also recall he peed on me a couple of times. (okay, more than a couple) and would laugh himself silly. Thankfully, when i changed yours, we both had a good laugh, without the peeing situation (thank you so much for that).

You are a happy baby (while technically a toddler/little boy), you will always be my baby. You are so loved, even by your pre-school teachers who think you are the smartest little boy in school (as if I didn’t know that already)and their favorite (although they aren’t suppose to have favorites, you are theirs).

You love making your parents laugh, you love yelling at the dogs and you and the cat have a very non-threatening relationship. (the cat loves your dad, you well, he’d rather your dad give him all his love and affection, but that’s only because he was your dad’s favorite first) You love your Nana and think she’s with you while she is talking to you via FACETIME. You walk around with the phone in your hand showing her your toys and other stuff. Now you running around naked she can do without, but you love making her laugh.

Me, you love making me laugh too. you love talking to me, although sometimes i need your father to translate. While you are my youngest nephew and technically, i cannot have favorites of anyone of you, please know that i love you very, very, very much. I think of you (and your cousins) all the time. I wish you nothing but the best and one of my biggest goals in the world is to make it a safer and better place for you and all your cousins.

I want you to know that you are love, absolutely and completely by your family. Both sides of your family. We treasure the child you are now and the man you will become.

This blog is for you and your cousins. It is for you to know me and for you to know that while i might not be with you in person, I want to share what i have learned over the years, the good and bad with you guys so that you don’t have to make the same mistakes I did. I want you to know that I have here for you, thick and thin. Yes, i will yell and scream and threaten to put my foot down your throat, but trust, its only because I CARE. If i didn’t, believe me, I would not even pretend to. I would shake my hands of you (and your cousins) and go about my business.

I want you to know I will always be here for you, even when you do stupid things, make stupid decisions and generally act like a fool. But guess what, that’s what life is about. Making mistakes and LEARNING from them. Learning and growing is what makes us humans. We are all flawed in some way or another, some more than others. The key is to know your flaws but to work to your strengths.

In you i see the hopes and dreams of your parents, who would lay down their lives for you, without questions. You can add me to that also. I want you to know that whether or not i am there beside you physically or on the other side of the world, I will drop everything if you need me to be with you.

Now, i want you to eat lots of cake, run around and scream and yell “today is my birthday” as your parents watch you will more love and joy than their hearts can stand.

I will see you soon and we will take our walks to the park, just like we did before I left. This time, i promise to not take pictures of you but catch you when you come down the slide. In my defense, you were a bit quick coming down that slide, I’m just saying…

love you always

Auntie…

don’t get mad

I thought this was a very profound statement:

 

As someone said to me the other day on Facebook, “Some people keep creating bad weather for themselves, and then get mad when it rains.”

Dr. Boyce Watkins

 

These hoes aint loyal; why should they be?

So, black internet is up in arms, again.

 

Why? Because a certain Pastor (Dr. Jamal Bryant) included some rather …um.. un-pastorally wording a recent sermon. This an excerpt of the comment he made.

 

 

I must admit. I cracked up laughing when I read my girl Luvie’s response to this on the grio.com (http://thegrio.com/2014/06/04/pastor-quotes-chris-brown-sermon/

okay, she’s not my ‘girl, girl’ but I follow her and she makes me laugh like nobody’s business)

 

Now here is the FULL sermon here:

http://wordofyeshua.eu/enemies-worst-nightmare/

 

FULL DISCLOSURE: One of my BFFs is an Evangelist, I went to college with several people who have become ministers (or were in ministry when we were in college) or are now lead pastor(s) of large congregations. Also, I’m not a fan of organized religion.

 

Now that I’ve gotten that out the way.

 

There are several reasons why this sermon cracks me up.

 

First, those who are up in arms apparently didn’t listen to the WHOLE sermon. He is suggesting in the sermon that the ‘enemy’ is going after black women now that he’s destroyed (or almost) destroyed black men. In going after women, “the enemy” is steering ‘good men’ wrong because they aren’t listening to the women in their lives who have their best interest in mind. Also, the enemy is turning men and girls gay.

 

Alrighty then.

 

Second, who in the hell every said Hoes were loyal in the first place???

 

Hoes aint never been loyal to anyone but themselves. Who the hell didn’t know that??? To even THINK that a hoe is going to be loyal to YOU makes you a bigger fool than the hoe you are dealing with. Now, when I say “HOE”, I’m referring to MEN and WOMEN. I don’t discriminate.

 

He may have chose a ‘poor’ choice of wording and his description of gay men and women was a bit much for me, HOWEVER, I’m not a member of his church and his sermon wasn’t for me. It was directed at the members of his church and he chose the vernacular to which they are accustomed. Did he have to use girlfriend-beater Chris Brown’s lyrics? Um, not really, considering his recent jail stint, but I digress. I’m not his target audience. I suspect those who are offended by his wording aren’t either.

 

Pastor Bryant isn’t the first man to be lead astray (he had a cheating scandal several years ago and his wife divorced him) by some chick and he won’t’ be the last. The bible is filled with stories of allegedly good and not so good men who were lead astray by a big butt and a smile. (I won’t name names here). The Bible is also filled with what happened to the men after said discretion. Heck, we don’t have to look to the bible for examples (Bill Clinton, Mark Stanford, John Ensign, David Vitter, Marion Barry) My person favorite is Kwame Kilpatrick:

 

ANOTHER FULL DISCOSURE: He graduated from my high school

 

Kwame Kilpatrick takes ‘these hoes aint loyal’ to a whole new level.

 

I’ve never understood my guy friends who believe that the side-chick had their best interest in mind. Dude, seriously? Even with my girlfriends I was like, seriously? Good dick aside, what’s he going to offer you besides a wet bed?

 

 

Hoes (Male and Female) have ALWAYS had THEIR best interest BEFORE yours. Sex is the means to get what they want. Telling you what YOU want to hear is the paved road to getting what they want. Why in the HELL are you now shocked and hurt when you wake up from your sex coma?

 

This is what you think you are doing when dealing with a hoe

 

This is what is actually happening

 

 

 

When someone gets ‘gored’ by a hoe. The pity party that follows is like a 4 day electronic dance festival with obligatory sex and drug hangovers.

 

You can’t be mad at a hoe being a hoe, you should however, be mad at yourself for dealing with a hoe in the first place. They are pretty easy to spot.

 

There is a difference between a Prostitute and a Hoe. A Prostitute wants your money; A Hoe wants your property.

 

For those with no property, food and a movie will suffice.

 

V. Stivano is an example of a hoe. She got property. I ain’t mad at her about that. I’m mad at her about other things (I will blog about that later)

 

Lisa Bonder is another example. When convincing a billionaire to marry you when you are pregnant with another man’s child, then fake a DNA test to prove he was the father (then have to admit under oath you faked the test and another rich guy is your child’s father) and still get $100k per month in child support until your child is 19 from your ex, You are head Hoe.

 

I don’t fault the women. I fault the men. Someone once told me, “Someone can only do to you what you let them.”

 

We have to stop blaming snakes and scorpions for being themselves. When someone presents themselves a specific way but their words don’t add up. Don’t stand there and pretend like it is new math. Isn’t not. Stop second guessing yourself if someone’s playing you. Stop snooping around Facebook and twitter to see if they are cheating. While I always say “common sense isn’t common” certain things even Stevie Wonder can see.

 

If a guy you meet hints about moving in within the first month or after spending the night at your house

If a woman asks you to pay her rent or her car note and you JUST started having sex with her.

If a man tells you about how his ex bought his clothes and took him on trips.

If a woman tells you she needs you to pay for her hair and nails now that you are dating.

 

 

Remember, these hoes ain’t loyal to them and they damn sure ain’t going to be loyal to you.

 

There is a difference between someone fooling you and you fooling yourself

I’ve been reading and observing different daytime reality shows (Trisha Goddard Show, Bill Cunningham, Maury, The Test, Divorce Court, Judge Judy, etc) and I’ve started seeing a pattern:

  1. Person A (Man or Woman) meets Person B (Man or Woman)
  2. Person B makes statement of ‘romantic affection and/or leads Person A into ‘thinking’ they are in a ‘relationship’ (either full blown love affair, friends with benefits, booty call, side chick situation)
  3. Person A dives head first into a ‘relationship’ with this person after a rather ‘short’ (less than 1-3 months) after meeting Person B
  4. Person A typically is in some ways financially supporting Person B (letting them move in, ‘loans, etc)
  5. Person B typically ‘claims’ they will pay them back but never does.
  6. Person B tells Person A that their previous ‘relationship partner’ is/was rude, abusive, nasty, liar, etc.
  7. Person A, when they seen the ex, with information they ‘assume’ to be true from Person B, treats the ex accordingly.
  8. Person B, often times is seeing having some sort of ‘relationship’ with the ex or other individuals, either known or unknown to Person A
  9. Person A blames the ex or other 3rd parties of ‘causing problems’ in their relationship with Person B.
  10. Person B typically fails all lie detector test or ‘confesses’ that in fact, they are not as invested in the relationship as they appear.
  11. Person A is devastated.

What Person A never seems to understand is their COMPLICITY in the situation. In their view, everyone is to blame but them. They cannot fathom their leading role(s) in this drama.

First: If a man has children with multiple women, WHY would you have children with him? He’s not taking care of them, WHY would he take care of any you have with him?

Second, if his ex (whether or not he has children with them) is so ugly, evil, manipulative, nasty, etc, why is he STILL in communication with them? If there are NO children involved, there is definitely NO REASON for them to have any conversation.

Third, this person has no job, no discernible source of income, they rely on family for basic living conditions, why would you decide that they are ‘worthy’ of your financial support? Unless you are running a charitable organization, you should concentrate YOUR efforts on building a solid foundation for YOUR future, not the ‘potential possible future’ they MIGHT have with you.

 

At what point will you realize that their actions are NOT corresponding to their words?

 

There is always a point where the host of the show looks Person A in the eye and rightfully so asks them since they now know the truth, are they going to stay with this person? There immediate answer is always “HELL NO”, then during the show update, The audience sees Person A and Person B talking via Skype saying how they ‘worked’ through their ‘issues’ and are more in love than ever. Of course there are tons of side-eyes from the audience and the viewers.

 

I believe in love. Although it might not seem like it from my blog (insert laugh and head slap here) but I believe in a healthy love. The kind of love that doesn’t have you stalking individuals you ‘think’ are interested in the person you are ‘dating’. The type of love that does not believe that cheating is acceptable until you get married. Then after you are married, well, the argument is “this is how I was before we got married…” I want the kind of love where someone takes my emotions and well-being into considering when they are making life decisions. I want the type of love that doesn’t involve ‘breaks’ every time one of us gets the ‘hots’ for someone else.

 

Apparently, love has evolved over the recent years to mean love isn’t love until I’ve made a fool out of you.

While we are on the topic

 

 

There has been’uproar’ over several male opera reviewers who decided that, rather than discuss the Irish mezzo-soprano Tara Erraught’s vocal range, they would call her

 


Andrew Clark in Financial Times: “Tara Erraught’s Octavian is a chubby bundle of puppy-fat.” 


Andrew Clements in The Guardian: “It’s hard to imagine this stocky Octavian as this willowy woman’s plausible lover.”


Michael Church in The Independent: “This Octavian (Tara Erraught) has the demeanor of a scullery-maid.” (NPR notes that Church didn’t comment on Erraught’s performance at all, despite her Octavian being one of the opera’s two co-leads.)


Rupert Christiansen in The Telegraph: “Tara Erraught is dumpy of stature and whether in bedroom deshabille, disguised as Mariandel or in full aristocratic fig, her costuming makes her resemble something between Heidi and Just William. Is Jones simply trying to make the best of her intractable physique or is he trying to say something about the social-sexual dynamic?” 


Richard Morrison in The Times of London: “Unbelievable, unsightly and unappealing.”

 

This is what she sounds like

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nIo89lVjnbw

 

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME???

 

Not if she did stunning in the performance.

Not that she “NAILED” the character

But she’s ‘chubby, fat and dumpy’

 

And what the fuck do you guys look like?? Curious minds want to know?? Right???

 

Michael Church

 

Andrew Clemens

 

 

YEP, that’s what I thought…

 

 

 

 

Let me clue you in on a little something. The AVERAGE size of a woman in the “WESTERN CULTURE” is about a 10/14. Not THE 8 FUCKING SUPERMODELS WHO ARE INTERCHANGEABLE

 

This is beauty

 

If you think your partners (male or female) are with you because of your ‘looks’ and ‘charming personality’, um…

 

 

I’m going to have to say NO.

 

I decided that I would add some other ‘topics’ of discussion on my blog. Such as what’s life like being a ‘big girl’. Now before you say anything, Big girls turn down more dick than you can imagine. Especially those of us who are pretty fuckin sexy. (Like me). But it gets my fuckin blood boiling when skinny bitches think the only men anyone over a size 14 can attract is this

 

 

Let me set the record straight. I have dated men who looked like models, I have dated men who had faces only their mothers could love and guess what? EVERY GUY I have dated was fucking lucky to have me on his arm, whether I was a size 9 or a size 20.

 

Men who approach me like they are doing me a favor don’t get any attention. They don’t get conversation; they don’t get anything but the angry black woman look and a raised eyebrow.

I have told more than one man in my lifetime: “I’ve turned DOWN more dick than you ever had PUSSY in this lifetime, don’t get the game twisted”. Any woman who is confident and sexy will get a man’s attention. It doesn’t matter WHAT size you are. For all those men (and women) who are feeling bad for their ‘big’ girlfriends, don’t be. I turn down dick daily. Cause I can. I don’t have to fuck any man just because he looks at me? I don’t have to have sex with some guy because I’m desperate. For the record, I am not. If sex isn’t on my terms (or any person’s terms) why have it?

 

Once in grad school, one of my classmates said the following to me:

Him: “Normally, I’m not attracted to women your size”

Me: “My size? What makes you think I’m attracted to YOU?”

 

He was all of 5’9 and 165 lbs soaking wet. At the time, I was a size 12/14 and about 180lbs. What the fuck was I going to do with him? If there was a fight, I’d have to help HIS ass out.

He spent the rest of our time in grad school sweating me like Donald Sterling’s wife trying to get her money back from V. Stiviano.

 

There are too many people who believe that someone’s worth is tied to their dress size. It’s not. It never was and never will be.

 

It’s frustrating that a talented professional in her field is reduced to being fat-shamed in the media because she doesn’t ‘represent’ what some moron thinks a character ‘should’ look. Get with the program. Its 2014.

 

Big girls are doing it for themselves. In big ways. Either get on board or we will run you over.

What i learned this year

 

 

Tomorrow is my birthday. 

 

i know, i haven’t been blogging much. bad me. had stuff going on offline i had to deal with. i have been working on some writings, which i will post soon and we will go back to our regularly scheduled sneakiness and things to make you go “hum”

 

 

i decided to write, like i always do about things i have learned during the past year and make sure i don’t do them (at least not in abundance) for the upcoming year. here goes

 

1. remember that i’m #1

that’s right. its all about me. that’s the great thing about being single and childless. my decisions will impact me dramatically, i need to make sure i can live honestly in truth with the results. 

 

2. remember that no one is more important than me.

feeding off #1, i am the most important person in my universe. while i love my friends and family dearly, let’s face it. they can’t/won’t go to heaven or hell for me. 

 

 

3. being single is a good thing. 

there is nothing absolutely worse than being in a relationship with someone and wishing you weren’t. 

 

 

4. never settle

this includes with my love life, my social life, my professional life. settling will only negative my ability to live in my truth and then i really won’t be living will i?

 

 

5. be mindful, be grateful, be compassionate, be kind.

being kind, loving and compassionate is not and will never mean I am a weak person. even if those assclowns think i am

 

 

6. what someone thinks of me is none of my business

if people take about Jesus, what makes me think they won’t talk about me? does it really matter what others think about me? absolutely not.

 

 

7.  believe in yourself and your abilities

there are so many times this past year that i doubted myself and my abilities. i shouldn’t have. i’m smarter and more brilliant that i ever thought possible.

 

 

8. be your own best friend

friends are nice, but its nicer when i enjoy my own company and make myself laugh and smile

 

 

9. when in doubt, don’t go out with him

it is perfectly okay to not be interested in someone who is interested in me. this isn’t 1825 or 1955, i’m not looking for a husband. 

 

10. when in doubt, remember #1